Introduction: Do You Want More?
In John 10:10, Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Okay, now, let me ask this: How many of us really feel we are living our lives to the fullest? Lives that matter? Eternally-effective lives? I’m going to suspect most of us are just hoping to make it through the day so that we can fall exhausted into bed at night and then wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. We are overloaded, stretched-thin, and ready to break ... or we’re just plain bored. We feel alone, unimportant, fruitless, and overlooked. We go through the motions each day without any sense of deep joy or satisfaction or accomplishment. Does anything we do really matter? Is there more to life than this? Where is this abundant life we were promised, the love, peace, and joy? What does a “full life” even look like?
Life is just so hard and discouraging, so hopeless, feeling like it's all up to us. Always trying, yet never feeling good enough. Always struggling, but never getting anywhere. Always aching from the holes in our hearts. And yet we wonder why we are so tired and why life is so joyless.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a different way, a better way. The way of brokenness - a journey of getting real with God and ourselves, of wrestling with our faith and doubts and fears, of letting the Lord cut away all that interferes in our relationship with Him.
[Warning: This journey will include times of pain, of heartache, of feeling abandoned by God, wondering if He really cares or is listening. But this is a good pain, a necessary pain, like an emergency surgery to remove a burst appendix or like exercise that hurts but makes you stronger. It’s for your good, your best. And for many of us, it’s the only way to a real, genuine, satisfying relationship with the Lord, to spiritual health, healing, and wholeness. A full life!]
Are you curious about what life could be, safe in His love, being real with Him, living in the center of His Will? Do you want more than what you’ve got? Are you willing to face the heat that produces meaningful, eternal change? If so, you may be ready to face the "refining fire" - the furnace of pain that refines and purifies your faith, that grows your relationship with God.
Proverbs 17:3: "The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart."
Zechariah 13:9: "This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'"
1 Peter 1:7: "These [trials] have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
Isaiah 48:10: "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction."
Psalm 66:10: "For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver."
1 Peter 5:10: "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
I challenge you to consider stepping forward on your own journey, to become more deliberate in your walk with God, to seek to be broken – humbled - before the Lord so that your life can become all that He (and you) wants it to be. It’s not going to be comfortable, easy, or painless. But it’s going to be worth it. So very worth it!
[FYI: This is not the same kind of “broken” that’s like a broken heart or a broken home. It’s not an unhealthy, damaged, incomplete kind of broken, but a brokenness where God breaks off everything that keeps us in bondage, that keeps us away from a real, genuine relationship with Him. He breaks us down not to hurt us, but to build us up stronger in Him. Healed. Healthy. Whole.
Every Christian is called to “humility/brokenness,” but not everyone goes through it the same way or to the same degree. Some have always been sensitive to God’s leading and haven’t built up many walls between themselves and God, and it doesn’t take much for God to get their attention and obedience. But then there are others, like me, who’ve lived their lives with many strong fears and walls around their hearts, and God has to use a little more pain and pressure to break us, to humble us, to help us recognize and overcome what’s holding us back. And then there are others who’ve resisted God for so long that they don’t know they need to change or even care anymore, and it takes a huge crisis to break them. However, if they want to, they can still resist God, remaining in a state of self-protection and self-sufficiency until the end of their lives, to the detriment of their spiritual life, their eternity, and their relationships.]
Yes, it might be difficult and painful, but we shouldn’t fear brokenness, humility. We should desire it and seek after it. It’s what helps break down our walls, fears, misconceptions, and sinful strongholds. It’s how we find our identity and comfort in the Lord. When we are broken of our self-sufficiency, we learn to rely on Him. When we are broken of our need for control, we learn to follow Him instead of trying to lead Him. When we are broken of our fear of being unworthy, we stop trying to earn His free, unconditional love and we simply embrace it instead. When we are broken of our misconceptions, we begin to live in Truth. When we are broken of our sinful strongholds, we find freedom and peace.
And when all these things happen, among others, we find out what it means to be humble like a child. “He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: ‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’” (Matthew 18:2-4).
Humbling yourself like a child! This, I believe, should be the ultimate goal of every believer. To me, humility is recognizing and admitting that we are needy, helpless, and dependent. It’s knowing that we need our Heavenly Father desperately, that we’re helpless to do anything without Him, that we’re fully dependent on Him daily. It’s knowing that everything is by His power and for His glory. It’s wanting nothing more than seeing Him glorified by and in our lives. And it’s resting in and trusting His goodness and love, no matter what.
To me, this is what it means to be humbled, to be “sweetly broken.”
But being humbled is not something that just happens to us; it’s something we have to actively seek. We have to want to change, to seek change, with the Holy Spirit’s help and leading. We have to humble ourselves, opening our hearts up to the work of the Holy Spirit. And though it will be hard, it’s the only road to genuine healing, the healing of old wounds and of our fractured relationships with ourselves, others, and the Lord. Being broken is best for us, even if it sounds scary and the process is painful.
When we are living life for ourselves and in our own strength, life will be hard, exhausting, joyless, and “less than” we thought it should be. But if we ever allow ourselves to get to the point of brokenness before God, we will experience the kind of life we were meant to live. It will be vibrant, alive, meaningful, and powerful. It won’t necessarily be easier or more comfortable or what we expected or want, but we’ll find more peace, joy, and security as we face life from the safety of His loving arms - the relationship with Him we were made for.
Maybe right now you’re thinking, Can’t I reach brokenness without the pain, without going through the furnace? Maybe. But I think that would be the exception rather than the rule. Too many of us reach adulthood with deep wounds that we’ve wrapped up in thick bandages to keep from feeling pain. But these wounds affect us deeply. They affect how we think about ourselves, how we relate to others, to God. They affect our ability to let Him love us and care for us. And they get infected over time, slowly poisoning our hearts, lives, and faith.
And so when we seek to be humbled before God, it usually means pain - because He won’t just slap on new bandages and let us walk around with deep, infected wounds. He wants complete healing for us. And this means ripping off the old bandages, digging down deep to clean out the infection and scar tissue, and applying the necessary ointment to heal it properly. And it probably won’t be until it’s all over that we’ll see the tender, loving care of our Father and how gently He tended to our wounds. All we’ll notice as we’re going through it is how much it hurts. (But once again, He will be there with us, watching over it all. He will not abandon you. Trust me on this. Trust Him on this!)
But if you are willing to face the pain - to open your heart to God, to get real with Him, to tackle your fears, to admit your sins, to throw out the idols of your heart - you will grow. If you are willing to face the truth and let God mold you into what He wants you to be, you will find healing. If you are willing to be pruned of anything that doesn’t bring Him glory and isn’t for your best, you will be transformed into a powerful, bold witness for Him. And if you are willing to be obedient - whatever God asks of you - you will know what it means to love and to properly fear the Lord, to trust Him with all your heart.
I think it’s just a fact that God has to use pain to get our attention, to grow us in the ways that matter. We live in a constant state of self-preservation and self-sufficiency, trying to maintain control of our circumstances and our futures, to avoid pain. We just don’t trust anyone else to care for us the way we’d care for ourselves. Not that we do such a great job of it, but feeling like we have control at least makes life feel safer, more comfortable, more predictable.
But it also keeps us stunted. It keeps us from growing in our faith, from knowing who God really is and how much He really loves us, from knowing what really matters in life, from the comfort and peace and joy that come with learning to rely on Him and trust Him, no matter what. When we are our own gods, there’s no room for Him!
And God isn’t content to let us stay that way. He knows it’s not best for us, for our eternities, or for His kingdom and glory. And so the pain comes - to break us of self-sufficiency, our self-confidence, our fears, misconceptions, lazy disciplines, sinful ways, the walls around our hearts, and our need to be god of our lives. And this is a good thing! Painful, but good.
Satan would love to keep us so afraid of the process of true healing, of the pain, that we never truly heal, never grow, never have a real relationship with our Heavenly Father. Because Satan wants to stunt our ability to enjoy God, to trust Him, praise Him, glorify Him, and live in His love. He wants to damage our eternities, God’s kingdom, and our hearts.
But when we finally get tired of relying on ourselves, of keeping all the balls up in the air and the skeletons in the closet and the smiles on our faces, of avoiding the pain that produces growth … when we are finally ready to get real with God, to humble ourselves before Him as a child (instead of always acting like a self-sufficient, in-control adult) … well then, that’s when big things happen, when He can work true healing in our lives, when our lives will be what they were meant to be.
I say all this up front so that you understand what to expect on this journey. The pain is normal and necessary. His silence is normal, also. Incredibly painful, but normal. But His silence doesn’t mean He doesn’t care or isn’t listening. In fact, it may be the best time for growth - “graduate-school level” kind of growth. And this is what, I believe, happens in the furnace. His silence during this time helps us learn to dig deeper and to reach higher in our walks with Him. It helps us learn to persevere, to cling through the hard times, to maintain hope in the midst of hopelessness. It helps us uncover deeply hidden hindrances to a complete and authentic relationship with Him. It helps us see the walls, fears, and insecurities that are hidden in our hearts, ones we’re not even aware of. And our faith will never be the same.
I challenge you to strive for this, to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you through your own furnace. But this is not a passive experience. It will take being conscientious and deliberate and thoughtful. It will take lots of prayer and Bible reading and learning to listen to the Spirit. It will mean doing the scary things we usually avoid - allowing the Spirit to dig deep into our hearts and minds to reveal things that need to be addressed, changed, pruned, or corrected. It takes authenticity and transparency, a willingness to get real with God and with ourselves and to obey whatever He tells us to do. There can be no growth apart from a willingness to listen and obey. If we are not willing to obey, to take the steps God tells us to take, then we can’t expect Him to lead us. And we ultimately shut the door of our hearts and lives to Him. He can’t bring about change and pour out the blessings of brokenness on us if we are resistant to obeying Him.
God will not force us to change. It comes from our willingness to submit to Him, our willingness to fall down at His feet and say, “You are God and I am not! Your Will be done in my life.” (Which is, in a very short sentence, the core of humility). It is our job to open our hearts to Him, through honesty, and to allow the Holy Spirit access to all parts of our hearts and lives. It’s God’s job to lead us to change as He sees fit. Because, after all, He is the one we are trying to resemble more and more, and so we need to let Him lead us in the process of growth.
I say all this because I know that we are people of action. We want to have the control, to be the leader, and we want to be able to get quickly from point A to point B. But that is not how God works. He is not manipulated or controlled by our efforts or desires. He does not work according to our schedule. We cannot force His hand or take shortcuts. We do not lead in the journey to brokenness. We cannot create in ourselves a humble, pure heart through our own efforts. And no amount of serving at church or doing good acts or “following the steps” will fix our heart wounds or our broken relationship with God. You see, God doesn’t just want our “good works.” He wants our hearts! If He has our hearts, our good works will honor Him. But if He doesn’t have our hearts, our good works are meaningless.
And this is why I say we need to base this whole journey not on our efforts, but on the Bible and prayer. The Bible is where we learn about God as He is and ourselves as He sees us, and prayer is how we build and maintain a relationship with Him and get His Will done. [Unfortunately, I think many of us fall into the trap of “emotional experience.” We want some sort of emotional high to prove He’s there with us, that He’s working in our lives, that He’s real. If there’s no fireworks, no big changes right away, we think He isn’t real or that He must have abandoned us. And so we give up early if we don’t “feel it.” We forsake old-fashioned disciplines like prayer and Bible-reading because they’re not exciting enough, and we rely on our feelings instead. But God often works slowly, quietly, bit by bit over time. So hang in there, even if you don’t “feel” it. He’s there with you, working behind the scenes. Give Him time!]
I think we all want the results of being humbled, but most of us don’t want to put in the necessary time, energy, and effort to do it right. And we fear the process and the pain that’s necessary to get there. And so we focus on temporary things instead of eternal things. We substitute earthly pleasures and rewards for heavenly pleasures and rewards. But when possessions, pursuits, pleasures, and people become more than they should be, they end up consuming us. They become our idols, our gods. We passionately pursue them instead of passionately pursuing God. And we will be left empty and unfilled in the end, eternally.
But unfortunately, many of us are too comfortable or scared to notice or care. We fear what He may ask us to do or convict us of. We fear how He may interrupt our plans, what He’ll ask us to change, that He’ll expose the things we’ve worked so hard to hide. And so we don’t give it too much thought. Maybe just enough that we can pat ourselves on the back for trying, but not enough that we have to actually do anything about what He says. We give lip service to having faith in Him and wanting to glorify Him, but we don’t desire it deeply enough to enter the refining fire. Isn’t it enough that I believe in Him, read the Bible, and pray?
Deuteronomy 4:29: “But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.” And Hebrews 11:6 says that He rewards those who “earnestly seek him.”
With all your heart and soul ... earnestly seeking Him.
And yet we coast through life, thinking He’ll bless us anyway. We focus on our own little worlds, neglecting Him, thinking He’ll do whatever He’s gonna do, no matter what we do. Or maybe we’re more concerned about performing for Him than living honestly with Him. Maybe we’re relating to Him out of our fears, instead of out of love.
And there is a BIG difference between the two: relating to Him out of fear or out of love.
One causes pain; the other causes peace. One leads to confusion; the other leads to joy. One tears down; the other builds up. One destroys; the other heals.
For years, I didn’t seek Him earnestly, with all my heart and soul. I was busy living my life. My strength was in my self-sufficiency and self-confidence. And I protected my heart from Him, instead of opening it up fully to Him. I thought it was good enough that I behaved like a “good Christian.” It was about my performance for Him, not my relationship with Him.
And so God had to bring me to a point where I learned that my self-sufficiency and “good Christian” performance wasn’t enough, that I was being robbed of the kind of life He wants for me, a life of humble dependency on Him, not on myself. A life of being with Him, not just doing things for Him. He helped me learn that I really needed His love to flood all the parts of my heart, even the wounded parts, the parts I kept closed-off and protected, the parts I hid from everyone, even from myself. And like I said, it hurt, like ripping off a giant Band-Aid that I had wrapped around my heart. But I am so thankful for the pain. Ultimately, it helped me learn to live in His love like never before. It brought healing and meaning and joy.
And now, I have become consumed with a desire for Him: to see Him in my life, to hear Him, to glorify Him, and to have a part in reaching other people for Him. I feel more alive in my walk than I ever have, and more and more driven to remain close to Him each and every day. Because He has taken His rightful place in my life and heart. He is God, and I am not. And I am okay with that now. In fact, I wouldn’t want it any other way!
Don’t get me wrong, life is still tough, confusing, and difficult at times. My faith falters at times. I feel hopeless at times, spiritually dry. I still struggle with anxieties, sins, and weaknesses. I am still human, after all. But I cling to Him. I cling to Him fiercely. Because I know that my feelings are not Truth. He alone is Truth. He alone has the words of life. He alone is where my hope is, not in my circumstances. And so even when times are tough and faith hurts, I cling to Him, to that which I know is true, trusting that He is real, that He loves me, that He is watching over all things, and that He will work it all together for good. Life still has its ups-and-downs and can be a daily battle, but now my security is found in the Lord, not in myself or in the circumstances of this life (which would really be no security at all).
Like anything worth having, a deep relationship with the Lord takes effort, deliberateness, and diligence. And this, I fear, is what prevents most people from growing. We like to use the least amount of effort possible to get the max amount of rewards. We like to take as many shortcuts as we can find. But this will not work when it comes to brokenness and humility, to true healing. You will get out of it what you put into it. If you approach it with a casual attitude, you will get surface results. If you retreat when the furnace gets hot or keep part of your heart closed off, you will get partial results. If you take this challenge in your own efforts and wisdom or for your own glory, without a reliance on prayer and God’s Word, you will get false results that will burn up in the end.
A word of caution: If you are one who seeks to avoid pain at all costs and can’t bear to take too close a look at your life, feelings, thoughts, and shortcomings, you are probably not ready for this challenge. And for the people who have been hurt by life too much to risk vulnerability and brokenness, I pray that there may be a time for this in the near future. Because you will be incomplete and full of unhealed heart-wounds until you do, until you learn to accept the Lord’s love and embrace His Truth. It’s not easy, I know ... opening yourself up to His love, embracing His truths over your feelings. But it is so necessary. And it’s the only way.
But if you allow yourself to go through the "refining fire", I think there are some changes that you can expect to see in your life, indicators of genuine brokenness and humility:
1. You will have an unquenchable hunger and thirst to hear from the Lord - through His Word and through prayer. Reading the Bible and praying won’t just be “duties” anymore; they will be lifelines. And you will be aware that every time you open the Bible and pray, you are meeting the holy and magnificent - and yet personal and relatable - God of the universe.
2. When you face a difficulty, trial, or choice, your first instinct will be to run to God about it, instead of away from Him or to your own ideas. You will lay your request before Him in prayer, search the Word, seek godly advice, and be willing to wait for His answer.
3. You will become more concerned with seeing Him glorified through your words and actions than you will be with your own desires and plans for yourself. You will desire that He is seen, and you’ll be content to be invisible, to shift the focus to Him and give Him all the glory.
4. You’ll focus more on the eternal than on the temporal. And so you’ll be more concerned with the condition of your soul than your possessions or accomplishments, more concerned with the souls of other people than their behavior and attitudes.
5. And so you’ll look past other people’s rough exteriors, the insults and injuries they inflict, and you’ll see them as God’s dearly loved children. You’ll realize that the fronts they put up are because of pain and fear too. They are not “idiots,” “a**holes” or “hopeless,” but they’re hurting people who need God’s love, grace, and forgiveness, just like you do. And this will lead you to desire to live in a way that reflects God even more, to reach out to them with a kind word or action, to extend grace and forgiveness to them, to have compassion on them, to pray for them, so that they may see Christ through you and experience the hope, peace, and healing that you’ve found in Him.
6. You’ll be aware of the spiritual battle that rages around you, (without being overly preoccupied with spirits and demons and angels) and you’ll desire to be effective in it. And you’ll know that to do that means seeking righteousness (trying your best to live as God wants you to), maintaining your spiritual armor, and refusing to be a “comfortable Christian.” You’ll also be aware that every action and word is witnessed not only by the physical world but also by the spiritual. And so you’ll be more careful about how you live and speak.
7. You’ll become concerned with seeking righteousness because it glorifies and pleases God, not just because you are “supposed to” do it. And consequently, you’ll spend time searching your life and heart to see if anything is blocking the Holy Spirit or is displeasing or dishonoring to God. Because you’ll want your life to be a “living sacrifice” for Him. Not because of fear, but because of love and gratitude for Him and what He’s done for you.
8. But you’ll also know that you can’t handle life on your own. Or know everything or do everything. And that you don’t have to. And you’ll be okay with that. God alone will become your ultimate source of strength, wisdom, peace, comfort, hope, and joy. And so you’ll strive to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading and wisdom, through the Word, through prayer, and throughout your day. You’ll search the Word for what God expects out of you. You’ll listen in your heart for what He wants to tell you. And you’ll obey Him, not because you’re afraid of Him but because you love Him.
9. When you make a mistake or sin (we all will, time and time again), you’ll seek forgiveness and realign yourself with God’s truth and heart. Because you know that nothing can separate you from His love and that you are incomplete unless you are walking with Him.
10. You’ll be learning to trust God with your life and, especially, with your future. You’ll focus on doing your part to obey, but you’ll leave the results up to Him. Your job is just to do what God tells you to do; His job is to work it all out the way He wants to.
11. You’ll take your job to pray for others and to look out for their welfare seriously. You’ll feel deeply that it’s your job to live as godly a life as possible (as a witness for Christ) and to spread His truth when opportunities arise. But you’ll also know that it’s God’s job to change hearts. And so you’ll be content to be the seed-planter or the waterer or the harvester (if God so allows), but you won’t try to aggressively force others to change or to believe as you do. Because only the Spirit can change hearts. You’ll firmly stand by your convictions, but you’ll be loving and gracious towards others. After all, even God allows us to believe as we want to and to choose as we want to, even if we choose wrongly. (And He allows the consequences that go with it!)
12. Probably the hardest of all, you’ll have gotten to a point (usually through painful trials) where you can say, “I know that God is good and that He loves me, regardless of my difficult and painful circumstances. And I will cling to Him and praise Him, no matter what.” This, I have to say, is probably the last and hardest step in brokenness - to vulnerably and humbly lay down in His arms during the darkest times and say, “I trust You, no matter what. I trust in Your goodness and Your love. I believe You’ll work all things out for good in the end, regardless of how hopeless it all seems right now. Thank You for Your faithfulness, for loving me, for saving me. Blessed be the name of the Lord!”
I want this kind of life for myself. And for you. There is life and joy and peace and hope (but not necessary ease or comfort or happiness) just waiting for us if we would seek Him with all our strength, minds, hearts, and souls. If we would let Him transform us.
So don’t be comfortable! Don’t be lazy! Don’t be afraid of the pain!
Be Bold! Be Deliberate! Be Real!
Just Don’t ... Be ... Comfortable!
Psalm 14:2: “The Lord looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.”
Most of us won’t be forced to die for our faith in Christ, but are we really living for Him!?!
Maybe you’re thinking this: Okay, so I am ready to start this challenge. I want to become diligent in my relationship with the Lord. I want to draw ever nearer to Him and to live a life that’s glorifying to Him. I want to be humbled at His feet. I want Him to prune away anything that may be hindering my relationship with Him, so that I can have a deeper, more genuine, more satisfying relationship with Him. How can I do this?
At first, I thought about making this a checklist to follow. But as I thought about my own journey through the furnace, I realized there is no “checklist,” no formula, for brokenness. It’s about the Holy Spirit working through us as we humbly submit to Him, open our hearts and lives to Him, seek to know and live His truth, and follow Him in obedience. We must be intimately connected to God through His Word and prayer, with a sensitive heart. We cannot force Him to work in us, but we need to be willing and receptive to follow Him wherever He guides us.
At the heart of this journey is a desire for Him, not just for what He can give us and do for us, but a burning desire for more of Him in our every day. It’s about being tired of complacency, tired of being comfortably parked on the side of the road in our spiritual lives, tired of trying to do it all ourselves. It’s a hunger for personal holiness that’s so strong that we are willing to be refined, and willing to face the pain that will produce it. (Warning: The trials that produce the greatest growth and blessings are also usually the most painful and slow-moving to go through.) It is wanting, above and beyond all, to be close to Him, to let Him be God, to glorify Him in all we say and do. And this means being willing to be pruned - pruned of things that are not glorifying to Him, that hinder our relationship with Him, that keep us from being who He wants us to be. If these are things you desire (and I know it’s scary to enter this kind of territory), I challenge you to tackle it deliberately, seriously, and earnestly. And this is the Through the Refining Fire Challenge!
It’s my hope that you want a challenge like this, that you are willing to face the pain and trials that will come, knowing that they are meant to refine you, to purify, to teach, and to drive you closer to the Lord, making your spiritual life more vibrant, meaningful, and complete. I challenge you to join me in the pursuit of righteousness, of healing, of brokenness, so that you may experience the Love you were made for, the healing you so desire, and the joy, peace, and hope only God can give.
The Details
This journey to brokenness is not a straightforward, linear process. God does not work according to our methods and timetables. This challenge - this guidebook - is a tool to encourage you, guide you, help you, and inspire you. Your part is to be willing to listen to the Holy Spirit and to obey. And God’s part is to heal you, reveal things to you, and rebuild you through the work of the Holy Spirit. It all lies with the softness of your heart, your willingness to be refined and pruned, to listen to what God is telling you and to obey.
I think this is what makes all the difference between those who grow through trials and those who don’t: You have to be conscientious about letting God use them for your good. You have to say, “Lord, teach me what You’re doing here. Give me eyes to see, ears to hear, strength to obey. I trust You.” The person who lets painful trials make them bitter or hard-hearted, who pulls away from God - instead of being humbled, growing more mature, drawing nearer to God - misses out on incredible opportunities for growth. A wasted trial! Wasted pain!
If life is going to be hard anyway, why not learn from it, grow from it, make eternity better for it, instead of just being bitter and angry, wasting your life, wallowing in misery?
The steps and questions in this guidebook are just starting points to open up your heart and mind to the Spirit, to help you dig deeper to see where there may be hidden fears, misconceptions, self-protective walls, sins, or lazy disciplines. They’re to get you thinking more deeply and seriously about your life and your relationship with the Lord, to get you to be honest with Him. Some of these questions won’t reveal anything new to you, but some will. Listen to what the Holy Spirit is trying to teach you when your heart or mind is touched by something.
Now, let me tell you a secret about humility, about brokenness: You don’t really need this guidebook. Seriously! If you are honest with the Lord and have a desire to be changed, to grow, to be humble, and if you will dig deep into your heart and the Word and prayer, and if you will listen to God and learn from Him and submit yourself to Him, then He will lead you on the journey to humility, to brokenness. In fact, if you don’t want to do all the work in this guidebook but do want to be transformed by the Holy Spirit, then skip this book and pray this instead:
“Dear God, please change me to be more like You. Help me learn to need You and Your Word and prayer. Help me learn to be honest with You, to hear You, to know what You want me to do or to change. And give me the wisdom and strength to obey, to seek righteousness for Your glory, Your Kingdom, and my good! In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
I do think there’s great value in the questions and challenges I’ve presented in this guidebook. But I also know that God doesn’t need these in order to work in your life. He has His own mysterious ways of leading us to humility, to healing. Maybe you’ll start this journey using this guidebook but then very quickly God will take you in a different direction. That’s okay. Go with Him wherever He takes you. This guidebook is simply a jumpstart, a tool for inspiration and illumination. But the Bible is fully adequate to be your only source of inspiration and illumination. It is THE source for Truth, and so the Bible is what I will base all of this guidebook on. That’s where the real journey takes place and how real change happens. Commit yourself to daily Bible reading and prayer … and see what happens.
I can hear it now ... Daily Bible reading? Daily prayer? Ugh!
Well then, let me add to your misery: One more thing that I think is extremely important and beneficial is ... journaling! Yes, that’s right, getting out a pen and paper (or some tech gadget) and writing down what God is doing in your life, the challenges or insights He is giving you, your prayers and the answers to those prayers, the things you are putting in His hands, etc.
A journal? Ugh! You’re not going to make me write, are you!?! No, I am not. You’re only going to write if you want to. But I highly recommend it. It’s just a fact that we are out-of-sight-out-of-mind people. We are like water; we take the path of least resistance and flow to the laziest, lowest level that we can get away with. So of course, journaling goes against those lazy, comfortable instincts because it requires diligence and effort. And we don’t like that. But I think journaling will greatly strengthen, hasten, and increase the effect this journey has on you.
We remember things better when we write them down. And when we write down the things we are struggling with or thinking or praying or learning, oftentimes other insights come to the surface and we learn even more. And if we write it down, then we can come back to these things later if we got interrupted and had to put our thoughts aside. Journaling will make the whole process much smoother and more effective.
Journal what God tells you along the way. This helps slow us down and makes us more conscientious, helps us see truths and problem areas, and helps us evaluate how the journey is going. It also helps us to be honest. We can oftentimes run from the truth when we keep ourselves busy, too busy to think. But slowing down and putting them on paper makes it harder to ignore them.
1 Kings 19:12 says that God whispers. “ ... And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
Many times, God whispers. Gently. Which is why He always says, “He who has ears, let him hear.” He doesn’t force us to listen, but He’s always speaking to those who want to hear, who quiet themselves down long enough to listen.
I know some of you would rather eat fire than journal. So just call it “jotting it down.” Jot down current struggles, answers to prayer, and what God reveals to you each day. You don’t need a lot of words, just a few sentences. Or maybe journaling for you means writing out your prayers and the answers to them. Maybe it’s full pages of thoughts and feelings. Whatever it is, write it down. It’s not for anyone else; it’s just for you.
And if you are trying to come up with some excuse for why you can’t take this journey or journal – “I don’t even have ten extra minutes to jot things down, to read my Bible or pray” - I would suggest you explore why you’re so busy and won’t make time. (Are you running from something? Lazy? Selfish? Scared? Ashamed? Proud?) Ask God to tell you what He thinks about it. (I bet that strikes fear in the hearts of some of you!)
We make time for what matters to us. And so if you’re looking for excuses to get out of drawing nearer to the Lord, the first thing to explore with the Holy Spirit is why you’re looking for excuses. You will only get out of this journey (your Christian walk) what you put into it. The more thought and effort you put into this journey, the greater the benefits. It really comes down to how much you reach out for God and His Truth, and how willing you are to do what He says.
Alone or With a Partner?
Now, here’s another point to consider: This journey can be taken on your own or with a partner. If you want, you can work through the steps and the questions on your own, just between you and God. That’s great. Keep a journal of what God is showing you and how He is working in your life and heart. Or if you want, you can take this journey with a like-minded partner (or a few of them). In that case, I recommend finding a trusted friend to go through the questions and challenges together, for encouragement, help, support, and accountability.
If you find a partner, make sure they (and you) commit to loving honesty and to keeping things private. And make sure you both respect the way God is working in the other person’s life, which will probably be different than how He works in yours. We need to respect this, to resist the urge to think that we are more godly, wise, or humble than our partner just because they are not at the same point we are. There are things they’ve learned that you haven’t. Our partner is not there for comparison but for prayer support, encouragement, insight, to lean on, for accountability, to keep us going and on track, and to help us when we fall. And because it’s exciting to share with others what God is doing in our lives. But this journey is ultimately between yourself and the Lord. It’s about the changes God wants to make in your life, not theirs. So worry about your own progress, but respect, encourage, and support each other as we journey through this difficult life together - one of the true blessings of being part of the Church, the body of Christ!
Pieces of the Puzzle
What I have done in each section of this guide is to look at one piece of the journey. I was going to call them “steps” (and I do sometimes) but that sounds like you have to approach them in a certain order and that they would lead to success as long as you successfully finished each step. But I call them “pieces” because they are more like pieces of a puzzle. Like a puzzle without a box-cover to look at, many times we have to contemplate these things, mull them over, shuffle them around, and circle around them over and over again as the Holy Spirit digs deeper and deeper into our hearts and minds. Remember, go where God leads!
Here are the “pieces” you’ll be tackling:
Piece One: The Desire to be Broken/Humbled
Piece Two: Honesty with Yourself and with the Lord (the most terrifying piece)
Piece Three: Learning to Listen and Be Still
Piece Four: Radical Commitment to Obedience
Piece Five: The Word of God
Piece Six: The Importance of Prayer
Piece Seven: A Correct View of You
Piece Eight: A Correct View of God
Piece Nine: A Time of Waiting
Piece Ten: Additional Challenges or Verses to Help You Strive for Righteousness
In each section, I explain why the piece is important and what it looks like. I also try to include biblical support for it, challenges that relate to it, “questions for reflection” to help you dig deeper and find Truth, and prayer and Bible reading ideas to bring it all back to the only thing that can lead to true healing - God. I include sample prayers, but you can just say what’s really on your heart. This is what God wants from us anyway – honesty, realness. Either way, always go into these challenges and questions with prayer. This is not meant to be done in our own power, but with the Holy Spirit’s power, wisdom, strength, and guidance.
John 16:13: “But when he, the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.”
And, ironically, it’s not even meant to be done by focusing solely on ourselves. Although this journey is about taking a good, long look at ourselves, our focus should not end at ourselves or at changing ourselves. Our puny efforts won’t get it done. It’s only the Holy Spirit working through us that will bring success. It’s about keeping our eyes squarely on the Lord, growing in knowledge of Him and letting Him search us, speak to us, draw us close, and mold us.
I recommend taking time to really dig into the Word and to spend a lot of time in prayer over each piece, over the Bible passages and the questions. The “Questions for Reflection” are ones that I believe are important to answer honestly with ourselves and the Lord. But we don’t often take the time to seriously reflect upon questions like these. We take so much about ourselves and the Lord for granted, and we don’t stop to think about why we believe, think, or do certain things. But part of this journey is to be more deliberate, conscientious, and thoughtful.
And so whenever you see “Questions for Reflection,” I recommend you spend adequate time on each one, asking God to examine your heart and mind, to bring up anything that you need to know or deal with. And adequate time may mean spending several weeks on one section or question (or circling back to it over time). If you feel any unrest or excitement or conviction in your spirit over any piece, spend as much time as it takes on that one thing. Journal whatever insights God gives you about each one - or any questions, doubts, fears, or concerns that come up - so that you can come back to it later or work on it over time. And discuss them with your partner, if you have one, for encouragement and support.
Remember, we can’t just answer a few questions over coffee one morning, cross them off of our lists, and think that we’ll reach humility. It is critical to have a heart that’s sensitive to the Spirit, a willingness to go wherever He leads and to obey whatever He asks you to do. So do not rush this process. Go at the pace God sets. Remember, we follow - not lead - on this journey. The point is to be constantly in communion with God. (And always practice thanksgiving as you go, for anything and everything you can find to be thankful for. This will turn your mind to God’s goodness, and it will help keep the enemy away, because he thrives on and is invited into our lives by things like discouragement, discontentment, and ungratefulness.)
As you start this journey, this is my prayer for you:
“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.... ” (Ephesians 1:17-19)
Always pray for wisdom and revelation for yourself (and your partner) as you enter a new section or question or if the Holy Spirit pricks your conscience about anything. If you are willing to hear and obey God, He can work in you and through you. But if you are not willing, He will not force you to change. He will pursue you and discipline you, but He will let you be hard-hearted if you choose to be. And He will let you reap the consequences of it.
But if you are soft-hearted, teachable, and willing, He can work miracles and healing in your life. And your relationship with Him will be more than you ever thought it could be. Where you’ve been in the past, what you’ve done or failed to do, doesn’t matter to God nearly as much as where you’re going in the future and if you’ll let Him be part of that journey or not!
The past is over and done with, those sins were paid for by Jesus on the cross. Let them go. Let them be forgiven. You don’t have to remain a prisoner of yesterday.
Will you accept His love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy, and grab onto His hand and walk with Him into a new and better tomorrow?
The choice is yours! Shall we continue?
A Quick Review Before Starting:
1. Pray about and decide if you should go through this on your own or with a partner.
2. Whenever you sit down to read, get out your journal and Bible and find a quiet place. Quiet your heart and be ready to listen for any truth or guidance the Holy Spirit gives you, particularly His answers to the questions you ask. Also listen over the next days and weeks. Oftentimes, God gives us answers later than we expected, when we’re not expecting them.
3. Pray over every step. Pray that God gives you wisdom and insight and strength to face the truth. And cover this whole journey in prayer, asking for protection from the enemy. By starting this journey, you are making yourself a huge bull’s-eye for the devil. He will want nothing more than to hinder your journey to humility, to God. Maintain your spiritual armor and pray often for God’s protection. [If you sense that demons are harassing you, say this out loud: “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave.” If you are a believer, a child of God, you have the right to run to Jesus for protection, to command demons to leave in His name. Do not try to fight them in your own strength or efforts. Jesus is our refuge, our strength.
Proverbs 18:10: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”
James 4:7: “Submit yourself, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
Luke 10:17: “… ‘Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.’”]
4. Walk through these sections and questions slowly because God doesn’t always work quickly, but He does work thoroughly if we are willing to wait on Him. If you are working with a partner, you might want to work on the questions for each piece ahead of time on your own, and then meet to discuss them after you’re both finished with the same section.
5. Journal whatever He reveals and things for further reflection. And go only at the pace that God leads you. This journey could take weeks or months. If you rush it, you’ll miss a lot.
6. Notice also any resistance to any question. That’s usually a good indication that there is something you should explore deeper with the Holy Spirit’s help.
7. When you read any Bible verses, read them slowly and thoughtfully. Chew slowly on each part, every word, before moving onto the next. Oftentimes, there will be one tiny part of a verse that the Holy Spirit wants to challenge us on, but it’s so easy to read right past it. Read slowly and thoughtfully to hear what God wants to say to you through it today. If you do, you’ll see the Word come alive! (And write it down.)
So what do you say? Ready to dive in? The first piece is simple; it’s just about letting God know of your desire to start this journey to humility, to brokenness. For all the posts in this series, click here.
